At the last doctor's visit, Ma was whining that her "legs wouldn't go." They would go if she didn't spend hours on end sitting in a chair taking care of her "business." They would go if she got up and moved around a little bit.
The doctor told her she should do a little walking outside. He told Dad, Ma couldn't walk alone and he was to take her for a little walk outside when the weather was better.
Dad called the other day.
"I was so proud of your mother."
"We went for a walk."
"That's great! Yesterday, was a nice day for a walk. You walked down to the end of the street and back?"
"Yes! And then she turned the corner with me and we walked to the supermarket. Of course, when we got near the store she had to sit down a while and rest...."
"Please tell me you're kidding? You didn't walk all the way over there."
"Yes, we went and bought $60 worth of groceries."
Help me, Lord.
"Are you out of your #%#$%# mind?"
"She insisted I take her! She said the doctor said she had to go out for a walk"
"Hello? Take her down to the end of the street and back, but not for a two mile hike!"
"Don't yell at me! She did alright," he said defending himself.
"Alright? No sidewalks pushing her walker over rough terrain? You call that alright?" I could feel the familiar pain throbbing behind my left eye and I reached for the aspirin bottle.
"We made it."
"I can't believe you were so stupid to take her. What would you have done if she had fallen? You can't pick her up. Don't ever take her that far again. Up and down the street, but don't turn the corner!"
"We got a ride home."
I popped another couple of aspirin.
"Sweet Jesus, please tell me you knew the person who drove you home."
"Oh yes. She's a member of the choir."
I ended the coversation with a reminder not to take her to the supermarket again.
When I was a kid and did something (Ma thought was) stupid, Ma would curse me.
"Just you wait! Just you wait!"
She didn't always finish the curse as she waved forked fingers at me. It was implied.
"Just you wait until you have kids just like you!"
At least, that's what I thought was implied. Now, I'm not so sure.
By the time Himself came home, I was able to find the funny in the situation. With OPD you have to laugh or go insane.
"When I was a kid, I had a Donald Duck with a wheelbarrow. Put him on an incline, give him a push and he'd waddle down the ramp. I bet that's just how Ma looked pushing her walker along the edge of the highway."
"You know what?"
"If they can walk the two miles to the supermarket, they can walk the rest of the way to the Mahket!"
I swallowed two more aspirin.