Me Iuva, Domine

Me iuva, Domine. Help me, Lord. Dad’s phone bill arrived. My fingers trembled and beads of sweat dotted my forehead as I ran my finger under the flap. I wished the kid was here to recreate his role. I even have the cape he wore as a chasuble. No nevermind. I could play both parts. I took a deep breath and began the chant. The words of the prayer and responsorial familiar in the old language.

Kyrie, eléison
Christe, eléison.
Christe, audi nos.
Christe, exáudi nos
Pater de cælis, Deus
Miserére nobis
Sancta María, Regina perpetua clueless
Ora pro nobis
Sancta María, Mártyre solus ipse
Sancte Michael
Ora pro nobis.
Sancte Gabriel
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Raphael
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Concordia, materfamilias
Ora pro nobis
Omnes sancti Angeli et Archangeli
Orate pro nobis
Sancte Josephe, vox nihili
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Josephe, illigitimi imbecillus
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Petre
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Paule
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Andrea
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Jacobe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Joánnes
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Thoma
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Jacobe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Philippe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Bartholomæe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Matthæe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Simon
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Thaddæe
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Matthia
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Barnaba
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Luca
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Marce
Ora pro nobis
Omnes sancti Apóstoli et Evangelistæ.
Orate pro nobis
Sancte Sebastiane (because the nuns wouldn’t let me take his name at confirmation)
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Fratur, nizeboymutasomonabaitch
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Antoni
Ora pro nobis
Sancte Dominice
Ora pro nobis
Propitius esto
Parce nobis, Dómine
Ab omni malo Jamaica
Líbera nos, Dómine
Dómine, exáudi oratiónem meam
Et clamor meus ad te véniat
Dóminus vobíscum.
Et cum spíritu tuo. (The Pope’s telephone number Et cum spriti 2-2-oh )
Exáudiat nos omnípotens et miséricors Dóminus
Amen

Carefully I pulled the bill from the envelope and scanned the International Calls.
Goose eggs.
Deo Gratias!