Last month after talking to customer service about Dad's phone bill, I was warned the FIOS portion of the bill would be high as the installation crossed into two billing periods. The bill arrived and the to be paid number forced the words "what the eff" up out of my throat. Something was very wrong, and if we were billed for the FIOS installation heads were going to roll as I had been assured there would be no installation fee.
I scanned the itemized section to see where the problem was. There was the $39.99 for the flat rate talk all you want all across the lower contiguous 48. Ok. There was the month and a half FIOS. I scanned further down the bill. I could hear the theme music from Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho playing in the background. Ning, Ning, Ning, Ning...$114.08 plus tax for a call to Jamaica.
Himself happened by about this time. "Something wrong, Kid?"
"Is something wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! $114.08 plus tax for a call to effing Jamaica! That's what's wrong!"
Himself choked back a laugh.
"You're not being very helpful."
"Come to Jamaica and be alright," Himself sang. "Better?"