All Around the Elderly Bush

Himself opened the door and headed to the bedroom.

"So, how are the Weebles?" I cheerfully called.

I heard a muffled groan sounding something like "argh".

"What happened? Do you need an aspirin?"

"No."

"Do you need to blog?"

A chuckle.

"What happened?"

"I went to the Weebles to mow the lawn. Your mother was still in her bathrobe. I didn't see your dad. Figured he was roaming around town. Went to get the lawnmower started and blue smoke poured out of it."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Anyway, I got the mower going and mowed the front. Got to the back and there's your dad standing on a ladder trimming the bushes!"

I shook my head.

"I told him, 'If you fall and kill yourself and Herself finds out I was here when it happened, she'll kill me'"

I laughed.

"He started singing he wished he was dead song. I made him get off the ladder, I finished the lawn and then trimmed the bushes. The bushes were too wide. I couldn't reach all the way to the back so I told him he would have to do the trimming from the inside. He started going on how he would have to climb on the desk under the window. Then he asked me to wash the stairs. "

"I thought you needed a special solution to take the masonry residue off the stairs?"

"Nah, I could use vinegar. So I found a steel brush in the garage, and he got the vinegar. Your mother came to the door as I was scrubbing. She said, 'Don't do that! I need you to take the old man to the bank and the post office'"

"The post office? I gave her a whole roll of stamps with the new postage! I told her that!"

"I know. Your dad was trying to count out pennies so he could buy the extra postage stamps. I told him that her letters didn't need extra postage. He didn't believe me so I sent him into the post office to ask the clerk, and of course, extra postage was not needed."

"What a surprise. Why did he have to go to the bank? Their checks don't come in until the first of the month. She doesn't have any money."

"Well, she had this check 'they' sent her for $4,000. She wanted him to deposit the check and if the bank wouldn't cash it, she wanted him to bring the check back. She's convinced the bank is cheating her."

I borrowed a phrase from Himself. "Help me, Lord. Did the bank cash the check?"

"He went in, but came right out. Said there was a long line, the girls were busy, and he didn't want to bother them. Y'know, one of those checks is going to be for a loan or something."

"I know," I sighed.

"I told your dad he should tear up the contest entries and throw them away. She'd never know. He said your mother would kill him. Actually, that might be a win situation for him. He'd be dead and get his wish. What's for lunch?"