Auntie Rose

Every family has a skeleton or two in their closets or up in the attic. The skeleton in my family is Auntie Rose. Oh, she’s not my real aunt. She’s not even a real person. Auntie Rose isn’t kept locked up in the attic. She’s right out in plain view. Her picture is in a frame on the wall where Ma displays family pictures. Sandwiched in between pictures of the grandchildren, Ma’s wedding photographs, a picture of her youngest brother as an infant, is this woman. Ma knows her. The woman is a stranger to the rest of us. The Nephew christened her Auntie Rose.

I have wanted to blog about Auntie Rose for some time now. I’d forget to bring the camera when I went to the Weebles, and of course, the picture had to be taken without the Weebles knowledge. So I was insufferably pleased with myself this morning when I remembered to take the camera, and I was able to snap off this quick shot before either Weeble caught me snapping pictures.

Auntie Rose is a psychic. Auntie Rose sent Ma a letter telling her she would receive millions of dollars. All Ma had to do was to send Auntie Rose a small sum, $5 or $10, and Auntie Rose would send Ma a list of lucky numbers. Ma would be rich within two weeks.

I can’t remember when I first saw Auntie Rose’s picture on the Wall of Shame, but she’s been hanging up there for quite some time. I think that was part of the deal, too. Ma had to hang this woman’s picture up and within two weeks, Ma would be a wealthy woman. Seems Auntie Rose never told Ma which two weeks, or what year this would happen in.

Auntie Rose has a gaze that follows you around the room. I see you. Doesn’t she look sweet with her smarmy grin? Can you just hear Auntie Rose singing The Stupid Song to Ma? Stupid, you keep sending me $5 every other day. You think you’re going to get rich. Honey, I just bought a private resort in Jamaica. Give me a call there, and I’ll send you a list of winning numbers. Trust me!

As you gaze at Auntie Rose, you just have to ask yourself one thing. Whose picture did Ma take out of the frame to put Auntie Rose’s picture in?